Loneliness at Sea

by Kay

Life at sea can be lonely and extremely difficult; it means being separated from our loved ones and isolated from everything else for months. Homesickness, burn-out and even boredom are just the tip of the iceberg, for often there are also regrets for missing birthdays and graduations, guilt for the fact that your work prevents you from really knowing who your family is and sometimes even bitter resentment that after a while you have become less of yourself and more of just a mere breadwinner.

True, this is the life that we have chosen freely and that there is also a sense of family among fellow seafarers. But remember that it is normal to feel alone and sad sometimes, even when you are surrounded by many people.

There are many different ways to deal with loneliness at sea. Some distract themselves: working hard and harder so as not to attend to the loneliness, entertaining one's self with camaraderie and music, or thinking of the many creative ways one can spend free time on board. All of these are well and good, and with the amount of time spent at sea, it is good if a seafarer is aware of the moments of loneliness in him, and exert the effort to snap himself out of it.

But it is also good once in a while to accept the loneliness and sadness rather than be distracted by it. One need not wallow in these negative emotions, so much so that it affects one's work and relationships with other people, but there is a lot of merit to recognizing, acknowledging and accepting this loneliness.

A "lived" life doen not mean one no longer feels uncomfortable emotions. Instead living means being able to feel realistic emotions. That we get lonely and sad at sea only means that we are still people --- "tao pa tayo" --- and that we love our family and we miss them. If we try to repress these things we may become too hard on ourselves or too cynical.

A balance of two things can help us face loneliness better: (a) moments of solitude to recognize our feelings and (b) moments of reaching out to others.

Moments of Solitude:
It is okay to withdraw once in a while from others and just experience the loneliness. It is okay to cry too and be ourselves.

Solitude can offer us time for reflection on where we are right now and what is the meaning of our life experiences. By taking the moment to be alone with ourselves we can come to terms with the aspects of our situation that we need to change or mourn as loss. This solitude is not to torture oneself with what-could-have-been's , but rather to replenish our energy and be able to look at each day as a fresh start.

Solitude is also a means to get back into our spiritual life. Prayer is more than just conversation with God, it is being with God. It is being guided by His presence.

Moments of Reaching Out to Others:
It is helpful as well to have our fellow seafarers as our support group at sea. Moments of "real conversations" among peers can be a great help while at sea. Too often we talk about our problems in a joking manner or in a casual way. Too often too we do not develop the environment and atmosphere among our co-workers where we can relay that we are willing to listen in respectful silence.

But simple opportunities of being open to disclose one's self with our peers, without neccesarily feeling the need to solve each other's problems, can lift our burdens significantly.